A – Amasian. Jeremy Lin has been cat nip to pun-loving newspaper copy editors. After Lin drilled a three pointer with 0.5 seconds left to knock off the Canadian Raptors, the New York Post topped everyone with their headline, “Amasian.”

B – Broke. Allen Iverson has reportedly found a way to blow the $154 million he earned while playing in the NBA. A judge in Georgia has ordered Iverson to pay a $860,000 jewelry tab. I don’t know what’s crazier, the fact that Iverson may be broke or that someone actually has a $860,000 tab at a jewelry story.

C – Cornell. Jeremy Lin went 6-0 against the NBA through his first six starts. In college he somehow only went 1-5 against Cornell.

D – Dunk Contest. The NBA is celebrating Black History month by lifting its ban on white guys in the contest that has been in place since 2005. This year’s dunk contest will feature African-American guys like Paul George from Indiana, Derrick Williams from Minnesota and New York’s Iman Shumpert. But in a twist, the NBA has invited the extremely white Chase Budinger from Houston and, of course, Jeremy Lin, who will assist his teammate Shumpert. The ban on white fellows has been in place since 2005 when Chris Anderson failed to even dunk a ball during the contest and he was loudly booed off the court, confirming multiple stereotypes.

E – Ewww. A 50-something mustached out of shape high school football coach from Maine took a naked picture of himself to send to a “friend” but instead he sent it to Facebook for the world to see. Paul Withee was forced to resign from his position as head football coach and middle school science and math teacher after a horrified parent stumbled across the naked picture, which was on Facebook for 10 minutes. No word on how many “likes” the picture got while it was online. The ‘over/under’ is 0.

F – Fridays. Five professional lacrosse players (yes apparently there is a pro lacrosse league) have been charged with disorderly conduct after starting a brawl at a TGI Friday’s. The players from the Rochester Knighthawks were apparently on edge after having lost earlier in the day to the Minnesota Swarm. Officers said glasses and other foreign objects were tossed around the restaurant during the brawl, so it appears this brawl was infinitely more exciting than a lacrosse game.

G –Gulbis, Natalie. For $8,000 you can follow LPGA smokeshow Natalie Gulbis around for a day without having a restraining order issued against you. A school in Charlotte is having a silent auction fundraiser, and one of the auctions is for an opportunity to caddie for Gulbis at any non-major US event this season. For about $7,995 less, you can just buy a “Sports Illustrated” Swimsuit Issue and gawk at Gulbis in body paint.

H – Houston Astros. The Philadelphia Phillies have the highest MLB season win total at 95.5. The Houston Astros, a glorified Class AAA outfit, has the lowest win total at 62.5. The Houston Astros are so bad this year I won’t even make a Whitney Houston joke about it.

I – Identical. We now have irrefutable evidence to prove that Tim Tebow and Jeremy Lin are one in the same. In Tebow’s fifth start last season he went 9-for-20 passing and scored the game-winning touchdown. In Lin’s fifth start this season he shot 9-for-20 and hit the game-winning three-pointer. If you are reading this then that stat somehow did not blow up the Internet.

J  - Jon Gruden. ESPN has found a way to get Jon Gruden to talk more than he already does. ESPN has removed Ron Jaworski from the “Monday Night Football” booth for the upcoming season, so now it’s just Mike Tirico and Gruden. You’ve been warned.

K – Kate Upton. The buxom 19-year old Kate Upton graced the cover of “Sports Illustrated” Swimsuit Issue this year. Go to Kateuptondancing.com and thank me later.

L – Lin Jersey. One New York Knicks fan found a way around the steep prices and long waits for Jeremy Lin jerseys. He simply used scotch tape, a sharpie and preschool handwriting to adjust his No. 7 Carmelo Anthony jersey to a No. 17 Jeremy Lin jersey. This isn’t the first fan to use tape to alter his jersey but maybe one of the first to alter the jersey of a player who is still on the team.

M – Moss, Randy. After announcing his short retirement was over, wide receiver Randy Moss received a contract offer a few days later. It came from the Chicago Slaughter of the IFL, which a quick Google search reveals is apparently an indoor football league.

N – Narc. Five TCU football players have failed a drug test initiated by Coach Gary Patterson. The players tested positive for marijuana and 11 others had trace amounts of pot in their system, meaning they probably went to GNC to get one of those cleansing drinks. The best part about the story is that the tests were conducted after a high school recruit ratted out the players. He complained to Patterson of excessive pot smoking among his players. The recruit, who apparently hates drugs, turned down a scholarship offer from the Horned Frogs.

O – One on One. Texas Rangers junkie Josh Hamilton will grant his first post-relapse interview with conservative talk radio host Glenn Beck. This will almost undoubtedly lead to Hamilton falling back off the wagon.

P – Paul Martin Powerball. Paul Martin has scored about as often as most hockey fans do. He has one goal this season, back on Dec. 10, and now, via the Paul Martin Powerball, you can attempt to guess when his next goal will come and win money for it. A Penguins fan blog is sponsoring Paul Martin Powerball where you can tweet the time and period of his next goal and the closet time, over or under, wins. The pot grows by $5-$10 each game and the jackpot is now up to $85. It is kind of like playing the lottery but a lot more boring and less-profitable.

Q – Quarrel. Florida Gator freshman tight end AC Leonard has been charged with simple domestic battery for allegedly giving his girlfriend of 17 months the business. Leonard, who is somehow a 20-year old freshman, is accused of shoving his 21-year old girlfriend (probably ex by now). The shove led the woman to fall to the floor and hit her head on a dog cage. That just seems unlucky, not illegal. Leonard then dragged the woman by her hair and her feet out of the apartment and he locked the door, probably worried about a backlash. An apparently unaffected Leonard went to tutoring after the assault where he was promptly arrested.

R – Ryan Clark. Pittsburgh Steelers safety Ryan Clark does not put much stock in the draft analysis done by Mel Kiper Jr., and it has nothing to do with his track record. Clark tweeted about Kiper Jr. “How am I supposed believe in Mel Kiper’s draft analysis when he won’t change his hair style? It’s just hard to trust a guy (with) a do like that.” So Clark probably doesn’t trust Anderson Varejao, Chris Kaman, anybody who plays for Gonzaga, Donald Trump and Asians.

S – Shit. Chris Bosh hijacked a LeBron Jame’s postgame interview this week and yelled “we did some good shit!” directly into the microphone and it aired live on Fox Sports Florida.

T- Tim Tebow. Rosie O’Donnell made a horrible attempt at playing Cupid when she tried hooking up 24-year old religious freak Tim Tebow with 39-year old former Playboy playmate Jenny McCarthy, who divorced from Jim Carrey in 2010.

U – UFC. UFC ring babe Brittney Palmer finally got naked for Playboy. She is the cover girl for the March issue of the magazine. This is probably the biggest MMA news of all time.


V – Valentine. New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez sent a late night tweet (likely a drunk tweet) to his wide receiver Santonio Holmes, who he has been feuding with, asking Holmes if he would be his valentine. Holmes, obviously, did not respond.

W – Whitlock. Fox Sports columnist Jason Whitlock elicited outrage and a bunch of laughter after he tweeted about Jeremy Lin, making an innuendo about Asian’s males junk. Whitlock tweeted, “Some lucky lady in NYC is gonna feel a couple inches of paint tonight.”

X – XXX. Porn star Jesse Jane was spotted by some of her porn-addicted fans in decent seats at a recent Oklahoma City Thunder game wearing a Kevin Durant jersey.

Y- Yoenis Céspedes. The movie “Moneyball” must have done pretty well at the box office because somehow the Oakland Athletics managed to be the high bidder for Cuban home run-hitting sensation Yoenis Céspedes . Oakland gave Céspedes a four-year $36 million contract.  

Z – Zero. That is how many wins the Charlotte Bobcats had during a recent 16-game slide, which ended Friday in Toronto. The horrendous Bobcats are now an ungodly 4-26. Here’s some interesting facts about this terrible Charlotte season: the Bobcats actually started the year with a 96-95 win over Milwaukee. They moved their record to 2-4 after winning in Madison Square Garden against the Lin-less Knicks, yet another reason why Jeremy Lin should win league MVP. Michael Jordan has turned out to be a terrible general manager. Having Jordan as your GM is basically like having to play against him in his prime every single night.