A – Amare Stoudemire. Amare Stoudemire is taking his talents to South Beach. He won't be joining Bosh, James and Wade on the basketball court (probably just in South Beach clubs), but rather Stoudemire will enroll in the University of Miami aka “The U”. Stoudemire will pursue a bachelor's degree in general studies and try to become the first college graduate to have missed a day of work because of punching a fire extinguisher enclosure.

B – Bed, Bath and Beyond. Former BYU scoring machine Jimmer Fredette is getting married to Whitney Wonnacott. They decided to register at Bed, Bath & Beyond and Williams-Sonoma. The gifts on the registry are as cheap as an $8 vegetable peeler and $10 can opener. A player who made $2.3 million last season asking for gifts seems odd but considering Fredette only averaged 7.6 points per game last season, who knows how many NBA paychecks are in his future.

C – Clippers, Lakers and Kings, Oh My. With the Los Angeles Clippers, Lakers and Kings all still somehow playing in mid-May and all sharing the Staples Center, the Los Angeles Sparks have announced they will move their home opener from May 20 to 22. Why on earth do the Sparks even play in the Staples Center?  There has to be a high school gym nearby that would be more fitting. The Sparks said if anybody actually purchased tickets for the game May 20, they will be good for the new date.

D – Devils. The New Jersey Devils want to keep New York Rangers fans out of their arena for the Eastern Conference Finals. An online campaign has been launched to encourage Devils fans not to sell their tickets to Rangers fans. Of course, the Devils could also just remind people that it’s a hockey game. That should be enough to keep people away.

E – Excuses. Give LeBron James credit. It took him until his seventh playoff game this season to make an excuse for eventually not winning an NBA title. After a home loss to the Indiana Pacers, James said playing extended minutes at power forward in place of the injured Chris Bosh was "taxing." Playing power forward somehow had something to do with James bricking back-to-back free throws in a crucial fourth-quarter situation.

F – Father, Daughter tag team. A belligerently drunk father, daughter tag-team attacked a security guard so viciously at a Pittsburgh Pirates game that the guard lost a finger. The tag team, 21-year old Amanda George and her father, were smoking in their seats at the Pirates game, which hasn’t been allowed in like 40 years. Security guard Joseph Risher escorted them out of the right field gate, but George’s unidentified boyfriend attacked the guard and ran off. With the guard dazed, George and her father seized the opportunity by pouncing on him and pushing him against a fence. At some point while desperately trying to defend himself in the handicap match, Risher got his left hand caught on the fence and when the father-daughter duo yanked him, his left middle finger was ripped off at the second knuckle. A quick Facebook search finds Amanda George’s default picture featuring her smoking a cigarette, while drinking out of a red solo cup while tailgating with her boyfriend, who is wearing a Pirates shirt. Once the story went viral the Facebook page was taken down.

G – Get Your Preak On. In perhaps the greatest sports marketing campaign ever, the 2012 Preakness Stakes is welcoming the return of binge-drinking chaos and port-a-pottie races by launching the social-media marketing campaign, “Get Your Preak On.” This year party-goers can join the “MUG Club” that features a day-long bottomless mug of beer. The efforts to make the event family-friendly have gone completely out the window.

H – Hamilton, Josh. Josh Hamilton finally opened an official Twitter account this week. His handle is @thejoshhamilton. Someone should warn the Rangers slugger that Twitter is as addicting as crack.

I – I'll Have Another. Kentucky Derby winner I'll Have Another is going for another win. He is listed at 5-2 at most sportsbooks with contenders Bodemeister (8-5), Creative Cause (6-1), and Went the Day Well (6-1) also in the mix. The odds of a Triple Crown this year are +1000.

J – Judge. Howard Stern's first episode as judge of “America's Got Talent” was pretty awful, but Stern shined like only he can. He mixed in dong jokes with man boob comments and kept the show afloat for 60 minutes. Bovada has set the odds of him returning for a second season at +110 and –150 for him not to return.

K – Khloe Kardashian. The fat Kardashian sister has drawn a line in the sand with husband Lamar Odom. There are reports that Khloe says Lamar needs to make the US Olympic team to save his career, and their marriage, because obviously Khloe is not about to date a former professional athlete. Making the Olympic team can be quite the challenge considering Odom couldn’t even make the Dallas Mavericks. Owner Mark Cuban basically kicked him off the team. 

L – Laurie Fine. The wife of disgraced former Syracuse assistant basketball Coach Bernie Fine, Laurie Fine, plans to sue ESPN in federal court, saying she was libeled during ESPN's reporting of child sex abuse allegations against Bernie Fine. This has the makings to be the trainwreck to end all trainwrecks. 

M – Man City. The thrilling conclusion of the Premier League season on Sunday drew over 1.34 million viewers, an increase of 72-percent from 2011. The almost unbelievable ending featured two goals by Manchester City in injury time against QPR to help the club claim its first championship since the 1960s, and at the same time deny Manchester United a title it was ready to celebrate just a few kilometers away. ESPN followed up the breathtaking ending by giving us the MLS Game of the Week. Fail.

N – NBA. The NBA became the first pro sports league to top 5 million Twitter followers. If you think that is impressive, the WNBA has somehow found a way to accumulate 267,000 Twitter followers despite being a women’s basketball league.

O – Oklahoma City. Toby Keith’s daughter, Krystal, sang the national anthem before Game 1 of Oklahoma City’s series against Los Angeles. The Thunder were so inspired they went out and put a boot in the Lakers’ ass.

P – Porn Star Fans. If guys watch porn all the time, then what do porn stars watch? The answer appears to be the Oklahoma City Thunder. Noted porn stars Bibi Jones and Jesse Jane have both made their affection for the Thunder known by appearing at games and tweeting pictures wearing Thunder clothing and sometimes no clothing.

Q – Quit. Former Washington Capitals interim Coach Dale Hunter loved his job so much he quit after less than six months so he could go back to his farm in Canada and coach a junior club.

R – Roger Clemons. Jurors at the Roger Clemens trial are dropping like flies. First a 27-year-old unemployed man was dismissed for sleeping and now a female supermarket cashier has been let go after she was snoozing in court. The case must be almost as boring as a baseball game.

S – Shits. On an on-screen graphic following the Game 1 of the Rangers/Devils Eastern Conference finals, the NBC Sports Network had a typo in an on-screen graphic. The graphic informed viewers that Rangers center Brad Richards logged 20:58 of ice-time with 2 shits and 14 faceoff wins. Not sure what statistician drew the shitty job of tracking each player’s bowel movements.

T – Tulsa Shock. The Tulsa Shock have odds of +22500 to win the WNBA title this season. A $100 bet could get you $22,500 dollars, but it could also cost you $100 and a lot of dignity if anyone were to find out you were betting on WNBA futures.

U – Usain Bolt. The Jamaican sprinter pulled a veteran move by breaking up with his fashion designer girlfriend, Lubica Slovak, so he can focus on the Summer Olympics. And by focus on the Summer Olympics, Bolt means so he can focus on all the readily available groupies in Olympic Village.

V – View. President Obama appeared on “The View” this week, helping him win over the post-menopausal disgruntled unemployed couch-sitting house wife vote. Apparently it worked because on Bovada the Democratic Party is now favored at –190 to win the election over the Republican Party (+155).

W – Women. Odds are out on who FHM will name Sexiest Woman in the World for 2013. Somebody named Georgia Salpa is the favorite at +600. She looks kind of like Kim Kardashian, but, unfortunately, a very extensive Internet search unearthed no sex tape. However, it is easy to see why she is the favorite. At +700 comes defending champion Tulisa Contostavlos, and she DOES have a sex tape. The 2011 FHM champion Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is also at +700. She is trying to pull a Grover Cleveland with two nonconsecutive wins. Other contenders include Mila Kunis (+700), Cheryl Cole (+700), Rihanna (+700) and the ultimate dark horse, Kate Upton (+1000).

X – X number of followers. Grizzled, veteran, bitter New York sports radio talk host Mike Francesa began discussing Twitter the other day. He may as well have been talking about the female reproductive system he was so clueless. On live air, the giant sports radio personality asked if you get paid to have X number of followers (no) and if you have to pay to have Twitter (no). He then went on to say it should be illegal.

Y – Yamaico Navarro. The Pittsburgh Pirates trotted out arguably the worst batting lineup of all-time Wednesday for a game with the Washington Nationals. The Pirates, owners of a historically awful offense that is the worst in MLB by leaps and bounds this season, sent out a lineup hoping to win 0 to -1 somehow. Of the top four batters only Andrew McCutchen is batting higher than .270. After that there you have this shady list of characters, Case McGehee (.218), Yamaico Navarro (.171), Clint Barmes (.160) and Josh Harrison (.188). Batting ninth is Eric Bedard, who lugs an average of .083, but he is a pitcher so he has an excuse. Somehow someway the Pirates scored four runs in the game, but they still lost, 7-4.

Z – Zuckerberg. The Facebook IPO date of May 18 is creeping up and there are plenty of Mark Zuckerberg odds on Bovada. You can wager on whether he will wear a suit jacket (+200) or sweatshirt/hoodie (-300) when Facebook goes public. You can also wager who his first admitted relationship will be with, actress (+200), musician (+300), professional athlete (+500) or Facebook employee (+150). The fact thatFfacebook employee is the favorite is perhaps the funniest/saddest thing I have ever heard.