A – Amare. Amare Stoudemire was not hitting the glass during Game 2 against the Miami Heat, but after the game he was able to hit a glass case surrounding a fire extinguisher, with his left fist. The blood stains on the American Airlines Arena locker room was not the only damage done by the punch heard round South Beach, Stoudemire was also ruled out for Game 3.

B – Black Guy. There is at least one Philadelphia Flyer out there with a custom Wayne Simmonds No. 17 jersey. But instead of “Simmonds” on the back, the nameplate reads "The Black Guy." This would be like getting a custom Mike Miller Miami Heat jersey and changing Miller to "The White Guy."

C – Colorado State. While investigating three Colorado State football players for allegedly dishing out beat downs to freshmen earlier this year, police found anabolic steroids in the residence of two of the players, which comes as an absolute shock to absolutely nobody except maybe Bud Selig. One of the players was Mike Orakpo, the younger brother of the Washington Redskins player who is those awful Geico commercials.

D – Dick Pics . Brett Favre will have to testify about his alleged sexting habits. Thanks to a Manhattan judge who refused to dismiss the case against Favre, we all get to hear Favre testify about alleged texts and pictures he sent to a pair of massage therapists, Christina Scavo and Shannon O'Tolle, who worked for the New York Jets. One of the alleged texts read, "Brett here. You and Crissy want to get together? I'm all alone. Kinda lonely tonight. I guess I have bad intentions." Nice powermove Brett.

E – Eldrick "Tiger" Woods. Tiger is back! Nope, not on the golf course, but he is back in Vegas. Tiger was seen posted up at Liquid Pool at Aria Resort and Casino in Las Vegas over the weekend surrounded by bros and bikini-clad females who may or may not have been hookers.

F- Floyd Mayweather. There might be dumpster divers scouring Las Vegas hoping Floyd Mayweather ripped up his $1.8 million wager ticket on the Los Angeles Clippers from Sunday night. There was word spreading on the Internet and a confirmation by a few sources that Mayweather had played the Clippers at +6 in Game 1 of their series against Memphis. The Grizzlies led by 27 in the fourth quarter and Mayweather was getting roasted on Twitter for making the bet. And, of course, the rest is history, Memphis had one of the worst meltdowns in postseason history and the Clippers came back to not only cover but win, 99-98. 

G – Golf Cart. A 61-year-old Jacksonville resident was arrested after he went all Clint Eastwood on a group celebrating their bachelor party on a golf course. Instead of a Gran Torino, the old man was armed with a golf cart that he slammed into the party, steamrolling a few of the partygoers. Grandpa then began slugging one of the men with a club. The old man was apparently upset over the young guys drinking and taking their time on the golf course. He was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon (aka the golf cart).

H – Hill, Jordan. Los Angeles Lakers center Jordan Hill has been charged with third-degree felony assault after allegedly going all Metta World Peace on his girlfriend. Hill's girlfriend threw his two cell phones to the floor and Hill responded by allegedly throwing the girl across the room. He also allegedly fed her a few knuckle sandwiches.

I – Izzy Gould. As expected, Miami's newest WAG Lauren Tannehill is drawing more interest in South Beach than her husband, the Dolphins No. 8 overall pick, quarterback Ryan Tannehill. Reporter Izzy Gould was peppering Ryan with questions about his bombshell wife. He asked him why he got married so young (age 23). Ryan simply pointed to his wife. Gould also asked where they met. It turns out they met in Panama City Beach during Spring Break. Who would ever go to Panama City Beach during Spring Break to find a wife???

J – Jose Canseco. This week in the ongoing drama that is Jose Canseco's Twitter account, the former slugger warns his tweeps about a certain Cadillac dealership in Nevada. Jose tweets to his 466,000 plus and counting followers to, "Be very careful with findlay Cadillac from Henderson Nevada they are crooks and liars.watch out for Rick the sales manage he's the worste (sp)."

K – Knocked out. Minnesota Vikings running back Caleb King was arrested under suspicious of beating a man so badly he needed 50 stiches and could possibly have brain damage. The man was joking that King looked like Eddie Murphy. King took offense to this and allegedly unleashed fury on the man outside a bar at around 3 a.m. King, has one heck of a story claiming his innonce. He claims he was talking to the nice fellow when the man simply fell to the ground, a fall that somehow required 50 stiches.

L – Long Ding. His name goes against everything we've come to believe about Asian male’s anatomy, but Long Ding has landed himself an invite to rookie mini-camp. Ding is a kicker (naturally) and a Chinese national (no shit) who hails from Norwich University (where???), which apparently is in Vermont. If Ding makes the Jaguars roster (shouldn’t be hard considering they are the Jaguars), the NFL's version of Linsanity could be hatched (god help us all.) If he doesn’t make the roster, Long Ding could always get into porn.

M – MLS. The MLS is probably already more popular than the NHL. Now it has found a way to surpass the NFL, NBA and MLB and all of European soccer combined. It has hired maniacal excitable over-caffeinated play-by-play announcer Gus Johnson. Last week he called the San Jose Earthquakes/Philadelphia Union game. There were three goals scored in the final 10 minutes of play, including a game-winner by the Union in injury time, and Johnson dialed up DEFCON 5 March Madness mode, with his voice hitting octaves only audible to dogs.

N – NFL Draft > NHL Playoffs. In Washington D.C., the NFL Draft, an event where teams pick players who may never play an actual game, drew higher ratings than an actual NHL playoff Game 7 featuring the Washington Capitals. The NFL Draft did an 8.08 in the Washington, D.C. television market while the Caps-Bruins deciding Game 7 did an 8.01. For all those people smart enough to watch the NFL Draft instead of hockey, the Caps won 4-3 in overtime.

O – Oakland Raiders. The Oakland Raiders continue their pursuit of awful USC quarterbacks. After trading away most of their 2012 draft for Carson Palmer, the Raiders have now signed Matt Leinart. If Tim Tebow wins the starting job in New York, it probably won’t be long before Mark Sanchez gets to hold a clipboard in Oakland. The Raiders have to be wondering where John David Booty is right about now.

P – Paulina Gretzky. The combination of Paulina Gretzky, Las Vegas, alcohol and a digital camera is every man's dream come to true and Wayne's worst nightmare come true. Paulina, the daughter of the hockey legend, went hard in Vegas over the past weekend, and thanks to Instagram we have the pictures to prove it. Some of the pictures are borderline softcore porn. Now I can finally see why Facebook paid $1 billion for Instagram.

Q– Quinton Coples. The New York Jets kept alive one of the NFL Draft's longest running traditions, having their fans mercifully boo their first draft pick. The Jets selected North Carolina defensive end Quinton Coples, who has been in trouble with NCAA investigators and who often looks completely disinterested in the game of football. Considering Jets fans, Andrew Luck would have probably got booed.

R – Roscoe's House of Chicken 'n Waffles. Milwaukee Bucks guard Brandon Jennings latest tattoo is a giant chicken leg and stack of waffles in memory of one of his favorite restaurants growing up, Roscoe's House of Chicken 'n Waffles. What a combination, chicken and waffles. That probably does warrant a tattoo.

S – Special teams. The Jacksonville Jaguars special teams unit has some of the best names in sports. First there is rookie kicker Long Ding (see L) and now they have drafted Bryan Anger. Where does Anger play you ask? Is he a linebacker or a defensive end or a punishing strong safety or a big tight end? Anger is the team's punter…only in Jacksonville where fans know a thing or two about anger.

T – Tim Tebow. A high school senior from Iowa, Rachel Bird, brought a cardboard cutout of Tim Tebow to prom. Some may have laughed at Bird, but how many girls can say their prom date was one inch thick and stiff the entire night?

U – Uppercut. Italian soccer Manager Delio Rossi attacked one of his players on the sideline of a recent game. Rossi subbed out one of his players, Adem Ljajic. The upset player gave Rossi a thumbs up as he walked into the dugout and then Rossi sprung on him, unleashing a few uppercuts before the two could be separated. More sideline antics like that and soccer may catch on in the US.

V – Virginia Tech. In mid-April Virginia Tech assistant basketball Coach James Johnson left the school to become head coach at Clemson. Not long after, Virginia Tech basketball Coach Seth Greenberg was canned. Not long after that Johnson was hired back by Virginia Tech to become the head coach of the Hokies. That must have been one heck of an exit interview James gave the university.

W – WWE. On Monday night “WWE Monday Night Raw” was the highest rated show on cable TV thanks in large part to Brock Lesnar but also thanks to shitty NBA and NHL Playoffs. Wrestling outdrew a night of sports that included Knicks/Heat, Mavericks/Thunder, Magic/Pacers, hockey teams playing one another and a nationally televised Rangers/Blue Jays baseball game.

Y – Yankee Stadium. Yankee Stadium played host to arguably the greatest female sports brawl ever last week. During a Yankees/Tigers game, one female fan was called out for wearing a pink Boston Red Sox hat. A confrontation happened, hair was pulled, drinks and punches were thrown, and, thankfully for everyone involved, a smart phone with a video camera was nearby. The fight culminated with the overweight Yankees female fan unleashing a Hulk Hogan-esque boot that sent the poor Red Sox fan plummeting backwards down two rows where she eventually smacked her head on a steel post. The video is quickly approaching half a million views.

Z – Zero tackles. Former Rutgers coach and new Tampa Bay Buccaneers Coach Greg Schiano made a classy gesture when he signed his former player Eric LeGrand. After being paralyzed during a game two years ago, LeGrand will never player football again but at least he will finish this season with as many tackles as Jonathan Vilma.