A – Amateur Golfers. The men's collegiate golf team at Bethany College in Kansas decided to take an unofficial team picture butt naked with only golf clubs covering their junk. The small Lutheran college decided to suspend the entire team for the risqué team picture. "We all have our shirts off, our shorts to ankles and we are holding golf clubs in front covering up our, um, male parts," team captain Jack Hiscock tried to explain. And yes that is really his name.

B – Buccaneers. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are replacing their paper playbooks with iPad 2s. The Buccaneers bought 90 iPad 2's at a cost of around $600 each for players and coaches, so it looks like Tampa Bay has finally spent some of that $50 million of salary cap room they had. This is probably why Steve Jobs retired.

C – Cam Newton. Finally, a logical explanation has emerged why the Carolina Panthers wasted the No. 1 overall pick on Cam Newton. It’s because he has no tattoos. Before drafting Newton, Panthers Owner Jerry Richardson asked Newton if he had any tattoos. When Newton replied ‘no,‘ Richardson told him to keep it that way. Makes you wonder how the hell he allowed his team to sign Jeremy Shockey.

D – Drayton Florence. Buffalo Bills cornerback Drayton Florence tried to pull an Ochocinco and take to Twitter to find a place to live. Only problem is Florence is not Ochocinco. Florence has 9,300 Twitter followers. Ochocinco has 2.6 million. Florence plays for the Bills (worst NFL odds to win the AFC Championship). Ochocinco plays for the Patriots (best odds to win AFC Championship). So while Ochocinco had tons of responses to his Twitter request to find a roommate, Drayton tweeted, "Still looking for condo or townhome in buffalo ????? or am I going to split the rent with a bills fan like @ochocinco." This garnered no responses. So he tried again tweeting, "Ok 2 season tickets who ever finds me the best deal and location." Florence quickly found out the exchange rate of Buffalo Bills season tickets to anything pretty much sucks, as this only garnered tepid reaction.

E – ESPN. The worldwide leader in assisting sports gamblers, ESPN will air a handful of high school football games this weekend, and, of course, because of that, there are betting lines for the games. Trust me, after a week of betting on little league baseball, betting on high school football sounds morally right. Some early season games to keep an eye on include St. Thomas Aquinas, Florida –3.5 at Prattville, Alabama on ESPN Saturday, Aug.27 at noon and Cocoa, Florida +8.5 at Colerain, Ohio on ESPN, Sunday Aug.28 at 3 p.m. Oh yeah, and thanks to 5Dimes, there will be second half lines for all these games.

F – Fairytale Wedding. The Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries nuptials were the sports equivalent of a Royal Wedding. Turns out it is a fairytale wedding for Kim, Kris and their accountants. The pair grossed about $17.9 million to whore out their wedding to anybody with a camera. Photo rights were sold to People magazine for a cool $2.5 million. Kim's sex tape with Ray J is only $20 if you buy it legally (free otherwise). E! will pay Kimphries a boat load of cash (about $15 million) to turn the wedding into a four-hour, two-part TV trainwreck called, "Kim's Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event," set to air in October. Hopefully you can wait that long.
 
G – Grand Slams. The Yankees hit three Grand Slams on Thursday. They have been playing professional baseball for a really long time and that has never happened before. Robinson Cano, Russell Martin and Curtis Granderson all ripped grand salamis for the Bronx Bombers in a 22-9 win over Oakland. The Yankees actually should probably have hit more than three grand slams. Amazingly, 17 Yankee hitters came to the plate with the bases loaded, including Derek Jeter four times.

H – Home Dogs. Of the 11 NFL games with listed Week 1 point spreads, there are only two home underdogs. The Chicago Bears are a surprising 2.5-point underdog at home against the visiting Atlanta Falcons while the Miami Dolphins are +7.5 hosting the New England Patriots in the first game of a season-opening Monday Night doubleheader.

I – Irene. While Hurricane Irene continues to cause havoc on the East Coast, the NCAA continues to cause havoc with the Miami Hurricanes. Thirteen Miami football players have been ruled ineligible until they are reinstated by the NCAA. The players are tied to a Yahoo! investigation last week that revealed a football program more corrupt than Enron. Coincidentally, all Miami Hurricane college football future odds have been pulled offline, although, strangely enough, you can still bet on Miami to win the ACC Championship at +850 in what could be the biggest sucker bet of all time.

J – Jordan Jefferson. According to a witness at the appropriately named Shady's Bar, LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson looked more like LSU placekicker Jordan Jefferson when he assaulted a man at the bar by kicking him in the face.  Two other employees, who are probably huge LSU football fans, claim the victim of the assault actually threw the first punch at Jefferson and his teammates.

K – Kentucky Rivalry. On the first night of college football, Kentucky and Western Kentucky meet on neutral ground in Nashville, Tennessee, at LP Field, the home of the Tennessee Titans. Nothing says college football like a good ole lopsided rivalry, the Wildcats are 20-point favorites over the Hilltoppers. You can just throw the record books out the windows when these two juggernauts meet, because nothing says an intrastate Kentucky rivalry like a football game played in Tennessee.

L – LSU. Quarterback Jordan Jefferson remains eligible for LSU's clash with Oregon on Sept. 3 (see J) mainly because he is the quarterback and a good player while LSU receiver Russell Shepard has been suspended for the Oregon game for discussing an NCAA inquiry with a teammate, which obviously is worse than kicking someone in the face.

M – MTV. The “MTV Video Music Awards” are this Sunday, August 28. Katy Perry is the favorite to win Video of the Year for her song “Firework,” which is listed at +120 on Bodog ahead of Adele's “Rolling in the Deep” (+175) and Beastie Boys' “Make Some Noise” (+400). Other favorites include Best Male Video, Justin Bieber, “U Smile,” +140; Best Female Video, Lady Gaga, “Born this Way,” +120; Best Pop Video, Katy Perry, “Last Friday Night,” Even; Best Hip-Hop Video, Kanye West ft. Rhianna and Kid Cudi, “All of the Lights,” +200.

N – New Artist. His stadium anthem tribute to his hometown Pittsburgh Steelers has landed Wiz Khalifa as the favorite to win Best New Artist Video at this year's “MTV Video Music Awards”. Khalifa is the favorite at +120 on Bodog ahead of some people named Kreayshawn (+175), Tyler, the Creator (+325) and Foster the People (+600).

O – Obscene Gesture. Flipping the bird at an IndyCar race at New Hampshire will cost Will Power $30,000. Power became upset after the decision was made to restart a race at New Hampshire Motor Speedway on Lap 217 on a wet track. This inevitably led to a huge wreck and a ticked-off Power. IZOD IndyCar Series officials fined Power after he flashed the middle-finger during a live TV interview with both hands. That’s what we like to call, two birds, a lot of stones. 

P – Princess Kate. Lamar Odom is unaffectionately known as Lamar Kardashian after marrying socialite Khloe Kardashian, and now the recently wed Kris Humphries is being dubbed Kate Middleton after marrying Kim Kardashian. His friends just couldn’t resist.

Q – Quarterback. “ESPN the Magazine” created plenty of controversy with a recent essay asking, "What if Michael Vick were White?" The essay came complete with a photo illustration of a bleached faced Vick which looked pretty funny and instantly got passed around the Internet. I'm not sure what the big deal about all of this is because the answer is simple. What if Michael Vick were white? Well for starters, he'd be slower.

R – Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. UFC 134 will take place at Rio de Janeiro's HSBC Arena, I swear every country has an arena named that. The main event features Anderson Silva (-625) vs. Yushin Okami (+425). The loaded undercard also features Mauricio "Shogun" Rua (-280) vs. Forrest Griffin (+220) and Brendan Schaub (-250) vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (+195).

S – Stay Thirsty. Stay Thirsty is a 5-2 favorite to win the Travers Stakes on Saturday at Saratoga Race Course. He will be facing winners from the Preakness (Shackleford), Belmont Stakes (Ruler on Ice) and Haskell Invitational (Coil). No word on if “The Most Interesting Man In The World” will be riding him.

T – Thursday Night Football. The ight of point spreads of five and six touchdowns can mean only one thing, its college football season. The college football season kicks off Thursday night with these made-for-TV instant classics, Austin Peay +43 at Cincinnati, North Carolina Central +42.5 at Rutgers, Missouri State +40.5 at Arkansas, Tennessee Tech +40 at Iowa, Fordham +40 at Connecticut and UNLV +35 at Wisconsin. There could be some decent games like Wake Forest +7 at Syracuse and Bowling Green +7 at Idaho. Only on the first night of college football is it permissible to get excited about Bowling Green and Idaho.

U – Underdog. The biggest underdog of Week 1 in football among FBS (aka D I-A schools) is UL Lafayette, who will catch 36.5 points when they visit Oklahoma State. For people who have no idea how bad UL Lafayette is or for those that think they are LSU, 5Dimes is offering a moneyline on the Ragin’ Cajuns at a ridiculous +11500. On the other hand, you can risk a measly $36,500 dollars on the Cowboys to win yourself $100!

V – Vera Wang. Thanks to wedding dress designer Vera Wang, we have a few more reasons to puke when reading about the Kim Kardashian's payday, I mean wedding day. Kardashian received three $20,000 Vera Wang gowns, one for the wedding, two for later in the evening and none for a yet-to-be-filmed sex tape. Other freebies Kardashian scored were $400,000 worth of Perrier Jouet Champagne, a $15,000 wedding cake, $10,000 worth of free invitations, $2 million in flowers and $3 million in jewelry.

W – WNBA. A WNBA player made it into the news, so it know it had to have nothing to do with basketball. Jantel Lavender of the L.A. Sparks has been accused of terrorizing ex-boyfriend Adam Ashley. The terrified boyfriend claims Lavender grabbed a knife and threatened to kill him on July 5. He has remained in hiding ever since. If I ever dated a WNBA player I would probably hide my face too. In a prior altercation in June, Ashley writes that Lavender "kneed me in the growing area. My private area was throbbing from the pain." Either Ashley can't spell groin or he is still going through puberty and growing down there." Through 27 games Lavender is averaging seven points per game, which is incredible because I never knew the WNBA even kept stats.

X – XLVI, Super Bowl. The Indianapolis Colts signed journeyman binge drinker Kerry Collins this week in a sign that the franchise is concerned about Peyton Manning's health. In completly related news the Colts ' odds to win the Super Bowl have fallen from a peak of 10/1 to 18/1 on Bodog.

Y – Yankees. More statistical anomalies from the Yankees wild 22-8 win over Oakland on Thursday: The Yankees scored 22 runs at home for the first time since 1931 when Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig batted 3-4 for the home team. A hot dog at the game cost $7.50. Oakland allowed 22 runs but only 21 hits; that is impressive. The game took over four and a half hours to play. Oakland led the game 7-1 after three innings.

Z – Zero attendance. The Florida Marlins came dangerously close to drawing a zero attendance during a doubleheader on Wednesday when an unofficial count of 347 people was reported at Sun Life Stadium for first pitch. The Marlins decided to close the upper deck at the park, although with Marlins pitching, I'm sure a couple stray home run balls will find their way up there. With only 347 people at the game, it was actually harder to leave without a foul ball than it was to catch one.