A – August issue of Men’s Journal. In arguably the most quote-worthy and inflammatory interview ever conducted, Steelers linebacker James Harrison took a flamethrower to as many people as humanly possibly in a shocking interview even for Harrison’s standards.  The headline, “James Harrison: Confessions of an NFL Hitman,” features a picture of a shirtless Harrison crossing a pair of his own guns, an FN Five-Seven pistol and a Smith & Wesson 460V revolver, against his bare chest. Even the alarming picture does not prepare readers for the fury Harrison unleashes on the NFL in the interview which is detailed throughout this week’s A-Z.

B – Brazil. There was plenty to take away from Brazil’s epic meltdown in the final seconds of its Women’s World Cup quarterfinal against the United States. What was most shocking about the improbable United States win was that it came against a Brazilian team that featured 11 women who all bared a striking resemblance to Ronaldinho.

C – Commissioner. His title says NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. According to the already famous James Harrison interview, Goodell has plenty of other titles, like crook, devil, dictator, punk and a gay slur that starts with “F”. Very few escaped the wrath of Harrison in his tirade, but Goodell was certainly priority one on Harrison’s hit list. Those names Harrison called Goodell weren’t even the most damning words he said about the commissioner. He saved this gem for Goodell, “If that man was on fire and I had to piss to put him out, I wouldn’t do it. I hate him and will never respect him.”

D – Democratic Party. Four more years for Barack Obama may not be as big of a slam dunk as previously thought. For 2012 US Presidential Election odds, Bodog has the democratic party listed as only a -190 favorite with the republican party priced at +155.

E – ESPYs. Before the ESPYs even started, the show reached a pinnacle on the red carpet show when San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson showed up in a spandex tuxedo. For the first time since growing a caveman beard and dying it pitch black, Wilson’s facial hair was not the oddest thing about him.

F – Floyd Mayweather. Video surfaced recently of Floyd Mayweather lighting a $100 bill on fire in an Atlanta nightclub. That constitutes breaking the law, but law enforcement says they are not worried about just one bill being destroyed. The only way Mayweather gets in a boxing ring to face Manny Pacquiao is if he keeps this practice up and burns all his money.

G – Georgia Football. This is why parents should not text. Georgia football Coach Mark Richt reported two accidental recruiting violations when he text-messaged a recruits father and then when he tried to forward this text message to the Georgia compliance director, he texted the father again. We can only assume Richt was texting and driving.

H – Hope Solo. With women’s soccer highlights on a continuous loop on ESPN, Sportscenter viewers are constantly being reminded of just how hot 29-year old USA goalkeeper Hope Solo is. It wasn’t long after the win over Brazil that the “when will Hope Solo pose for Playboy” questions started. Considering she plays for a semipro soccer team located in Boca Rotan, Florida, that is simply named MagicJack, and that her employer (Women’s Professional Soccer) could fold any second, there is plenty hope that Hope gets naked for money.

I – Intimate Body Piercing. A soccer player from Melbourne, Australia, was sent off with a red card after a referee discovered that his penis was pierced. The revelation came after Aaron Eccleston, a player for Old Hill Wanderers, was hit in the family jewels (literally) with a soccer ball. Upon examining himself by pulling his shorts down, a referee, who must have been sneaking a peak, noticed the piercing, which was described as an intimate body piercing. After escorting the player to a private locker room for a creepy private inspection (no pun intended), the referee ordered the piercing removed in accordance with league rules that bar jewelry. The player refused and the referee whipped out the red card.

J – Juiced. Not sure how on earth Brian Cushing,  a Houston Texans linebacker, got in the way of the James Harrison freight train of disses, but he did. About Cushing, Harrison said he was juiced out of his mind during Harrison’s Men’s Journal interview. According to Harrison Cushing was not the only one juicing, he also says that the former New England Patriot, Rodney Harrison, was “a steroid cheater.”

K – Kevin Correia. A day after being shelled for five earned runs in just over three innings of work, Pittsburgh Pirate pitcher Kevin Correia was rewarded for his awful performance by being named to the all-star team. Because so many players dropped out of the game, Correia, and his ERA, which is over four, was named to a roster that normally would be reserved for all-stars. We had assumed Correia was being invited to pitch the Home Run Derby, but since so few home runs were hit during the derby, Kevin “South” Correia could not have pitching. Turns out he did not even get to pitch in the All-Star Game. 

L – London Marathon. No incredibly random charitable effort goes unpunished. Lloyd Scott donned a nine-foot long snail suit and crawled the entire length of the London Marathon to raise money for Action for Kids. It took him 26 days to finish the marathon (in last place, we hope). During the marathon he vomited, suffered nose bleeds and cramps and was even rushed to the hospital. They probably should have just rushed him to the finish line. But after only raising about $20,000, Scott was fired from the charity organization that employed him because he did not raise enough money.

M – Models Playing Softball. ESPN’s annual celebrity softball game that coincides with the MLB All-Star Game turned into boner-inducing soft core porn fun when 18-year old model Kate Upton and ESPN athletic groupie Erin Andrews donned coochie-cutting shorts to play in the televised scrimmage.

N – Notorious announcer. Sometime during the MLB All-Star Game that Joe Buck was fumbling his way through, someone hopped on Wikipedia and improved Joe Buck’s Wikipedia page. The revised version read, “Joseph Francis ‘Joe’ Buck is an American sportscaster and the son of legendary sportscaster Jack Buck….He is world-renowned for his infamous bouts with diarrhea, often coming directly out of his mouth in the broadcast booth.” Some wise soul took a screen cap of the entry before it could be revised.

O – Open Championship. For reasons never fully explained, the British Open is often just called the Open Championship. For reasons that are a little more obvious, wonder kid Rory McIlroy is the favorite at this week’s event at Royal St. George’s in a town called Sandwich. On Bodog McIlroy is listed at 7/1 ahead of Lee Westwood and Luke Donald, who are both 11/1. The tournament starts at 4 a.m. daily on the east coast of the United States, meaning the only people watching will be golf addicts, gamblers, insomniacs and insomniac gamblers.

P – Pittsburgh Steelers. With the recent DUI arrest of Hines Ward and the epic James Harrison rant, the Steelers could be staring down a couple of suspensions come Week 1 of the NFL regular season, but the oddsmakers are not buying it. The Steelers remain just a 2.5-point underdog on the road at Baltimore on 5Dimes.

Q – Qatari basketball player. Tanguy Ngombo, a professional basketball player from Qatar, was drafted 57th overall by the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Draft under the premise that he was 21 years old. His rights were eventually traded to the Minnesota Timberwolves in a three-way trade, but that trade is now pending since it turns out Ngombo could be anywhere from 21 to 26 years old. Ngombo might be from the Congo, but when it comes to lying about being 21 years old, he is just like most Americans.

R – Ratings. Even though the team only has a few decent looking females, the United States Women’s Soccer Team still enticed 3.89 million viewers to tune into the ESPN telecast of its game against Brazil. That was more than a full rating point higher than ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball later that night.

S – Seth Meyer. Returning for the second consecutive year as host of the ESPY awards, Seth Meyer offended almost as many people as James Harrison with his opening monologue. He spent the first four minutes of the show discussing Brian Wilson’s beard. Meyer then took the easy road, taking a cut at the Miami Heat saying, they were nicknamed the Big Three “In honor of how many quarters they play.” He went after the hometown broke-as-a-joke Dodgers, saying they’re so broke that “three of their players tested positive for Ramen Noodles.” And, of course, he tossed in the requisite Brett Favre dig saying that thanks to cell phone technology, the shadow Aaron Rodgers had to step into was not as big as we previously thought.

T – Thirty One Years Old!?! Derek Jeter’s chase of 3,000th hits served as a timely reminder that he is still dating Minka Kelly, and that Kelly is still smoking hot. Television cameras constantly showed Kelly watching on from Jeter’s suite in Yankees Stadium. A little research also unearthed that Kelly, best known for portraying a high school cheerleader on Friday Nights Lights, is 31 years old!

U – Underdog Champs. In what should be the most difficult title defense of all time, the 2011 Auburn Tigers football schedule features eight games in which Auburn has been made an underdog, according to future college football point spreads. The games include home dates against Mississippi State (Auburn +2), Florida (Auburn +3) and road games at Clemson (Auburn +7), South Carolina (Auburn +10), Arkansas (+10.5) and LSU (Auburn +11.5). Right about now Gene Chizik is trying to find out if Cam Newton has any eligibility left.

V – Value. The true value of the Derek Jeter’s 3,000-hit home run ball is up for debate. We may never know the real answer after 23-year old Christian Lopez gave the ball to Jeter instead of auctioning it off. Lopez made out pretty decent by landing a meet and greet with Jeter, three autographed bats and balls, two signed No. 2 jerseys and four suite tickets at Yankees Stadium for the remainder of the Yankees season, including postseason games. The total value of that is less than $50,000, while most sports auctioning services peg the ball at being worth somewhere between $100,000 all the way up to half a million dollars. That is not what Lopez wants to hear, considering he announced that he has to pay back $100,000 in student loans.

W - Wife of the Punter. The wife of Dallas Cowboys punter Mat McBriar, Erin McBriar, had the pleasure of seeing Kim Kardashian’s rear end in person, and like any human being, she came away impressed. She even took to Twitter to discuss Kim’s giant ass. @ErinMcBriar tweeted, “@KimKardashian just saw the bootie in person at espys pre party 4 1st time, must say very impressed!!”

X – Xbox 360 NCAA 2012. The premier college football video game hit shelves this week, and with it came an awesome commercial. The commercial promoting the EA Sports game for Xbox 360 as well as Playstation 3 features an LSU fan painting another LSU fan purple. At the very end he goes ahead and lifts up the man’s man boob to paint underneath it.

Y – Yogi Berra. For some reason Sports Illustrated put Yogi Berra on the cover of its annual ‘Where Are They Now?’ issue. How would anybody not know where he is? Berra throws out pretty much every ceremonial first pitch at Yankees Stadium and shows up on your television at least four times during every sporting event during an Aflac commercial.

Z – Jay-Z. The most impressive part of Derek Jeter’s performance on Saturday wasn’t the fact that he recorded his 3,000th hit or that he was a perfect five-for-five or that he knocked in the go-ahead run in a 5-4 win or that his 3,000th hit came on a home run. No, the most impressive part had to be that jigga man himself, Jay-Z was so caught up in it that he actually recorded Jeter’s at bats leading up to the 3,000th hit and later posted it on YouTube.