A – Andy Roddick's wife. In the best news for sports fans besides the NFL lockout ending, Brooklyn Decker has posed topless for the first time. The Sports Illustrated cover model finally bared her cans for a Mark Squires photo shoot. I speak for everybody reading this when I say thank you Mark Squires, whoever you are.

B – Bob Knight. The old coach was off his rocker again, this time at a speaking engagement in Indiana when out of nowhere he starts ripping on Kentucky. Knight claimed that several Kentucky players on the 2009-10 roster did not go to class, which is probably true. "Kentucky…started five players in the NCAA Tournament games that had not been to class that semester,” Knight said. He later went on to issue a half-assed apology.

C – Copa del Rey. The turd in the punch bowl at a Real Madrid championship celebration was dropped when Madrid defender Sergio Ramos let the 33-pound Copa del Ray cup fall off the top of the team bus during a celebration and the bus went on to drove over the trophy. This gives the old sports cliché, ‘throwing him under the bus,’ a whole new meaning.

D- Dodgers. The dysfunctional Dodgers have been taken over by Major League Baseball. As the franchise became a circus while its owners went through a bitter divorce, the Dodgers fell apart on the field and fan attendance waned. Things started to go downhill in 2009 when Jaime McCourt filed for divorce after 30 years of marriage to Frank McCort. Since then it’s been a cat fight between the two and mostly played out in public like this week when McCourt accused his ex-wife of having an affair with her bodyguard-driver and performing poorly at work. It is the first time ever MLB has assumed control of a team.

E – Enrique Rodriguez. Someone has found a way to actually win money at a sportsbook. Enrique Rodriguez has been awarded $6.6 million in his lawsuit against the Palms hotel-casino in Las Vegas after he was somehow injured when a fellow degenerate gambler dived for a water bottle thrown into the crowd by a cheerleader. Somehow Rodriguez claimed that he sustained knee pain, back pain, neck pain, sleep apnea, depression , obesity and ingrown toenails (wtf?), and somehow a judge believed him. The incident happened in 2004 during a Monday Night Football game when a promo girl named, wait for this, Brandy L. Beavers, tossed a water bottle in the crowd. A sportsbook patron likely mistaking the bottle of water for something of value dove for it only to hit Rodriguez's left knee, which somehow caused the guy a lifetime of pain and suffering.

F – Free Lap Dances. Rapper, songwriter, hip hop diva and owner of a huge butt, Nicki Minaj has been found giving out free lap dances to NBA point guards at her concerts. At a recent show in Phoenix she found Steven Nash in the crowd and got freaky on the Canadian point guard. Nash instantly tweeted about, "I think I just got a lapdance from @nickiminaj?" Days later at another show Minaj dragged New Orleans Hornets point guard Chris Paul on stage and gave him the same treatment.

G- Green Bay. Green Bay Packers defensive lineman Johnny Jolly was facing up to 20 years in the can for possessing at least 200 grams of codeine. In what comes as a shock to no one, the codeine-addicted, purple drank drinking Jolly will not spend 20 years in jail, but rather spend time on probation.

H – Heat. Either the radar gun they were using in Cincinnati was juiced up or Reds left-hander Aroldis Chapman is on the juice. Somehow Chapman was clocked hurling a 106 mph fastball at a recent game. Not even Chapman thought this was possible as he tattooed 105.1 on his arm last offseason, thinking that was the fastest he could ever throw. When Barry Bonds hit 70-plus home runs everyone accused him of being on steroids, somebody might want to look into this Chapman fellow.

I – Ickey Woods. The former Cincinnati Bengals running back and owner of the best touchdown celebration ever "The Ickey Shuffle," Ickey Woods recently underwent surgery to repair both of his damaged knees. Why am I telling you this? Because it also gives me the opportunity to tell you what Woods has been up to. He currently coaches the Cincinnati Sizzles, a women's professional football team. If that isn’t great, it gets even better. On the team is none other than Ickey Woods' ex-wife, Chandra.

J – Jalen Rose. Last week Jalen Rose was picked up for a DUI and now we have the official transcript and hilarious video of Rose belligerent drunk trying to talk to the cop. While sitting in the back of a cop car, Rose does not seem to realize he is under arrest. Jalen: So what are we doing right now? Cop: We're gonna go to the police station right now. Jalen: To do what? Cop: You're under arrest. Jalen: For what, sir? Cop: For drunk driving. Jalen: But I wasn’t really drinking. Cop: Um, okay.
 
K – Kentucky. In an annual rite of spring, Kentucky has announced that nearly its entire team is testing the NBA Draft waters. Freshmen Brandon Knight and Terrence Jones and junior DeAndre Liggins have declared for the draft, but not signed an agent. This means that they could still return to the team next year, granted the NCAA does not uncover violations.

L – Lenny Dykstra. In what is shaping up to be one heck of a movie, the saga of former Mets and Phillies outfielder Lenny Dykstra took another turn for the worse. Dykstra was arrested this week after being accused of embezzling money from a bankruptcy estate. A disheveled and handcuffed Dykstra spent a week in the can before somehow posting $150,000 bond. Dykstra reportedly owes somewhere in the range of $31 million and despite buying Wayne Gretzky's house years ago, Dykstra only has assets of around $50,000.

M – Maxim. The magazine recently released its annual list of the 10 Dumbest Dumb-Asses in Sports. This year's honor roll featured Lavar Arrington, Brett Favre, Cam Newton, Dan Snyder, Luke Scott, Vince Young, Albert Haynesworth, Gary Bettman, Lou Holtz and Ben Roethlisberger.

N – NCAA 12. EA Sports turned to the fans to decide the cover boy for NCAA Football 12, and fans chose Alabama running back Mark Ingram over Jake Locker, Nick Fairley and DeMarco Murray.

O – Obama. Online sportsbook Bodog has made current President Barack Obama a heavy favorite to retain his job beyond 2012. Obama is the 1/10 favorite to win the democratic nomination, with other contenders including Hillary Clinton (12/1) and Joe Biden (25/1). The republican nominee favorites are Mitt Romey (5/2), Tim Pawlenty (5/1), Mitch Daniels (11/2) and Sarah Palin (8/1). To win the presidency Obama is a 4/7 favorite, ahead of Romney (8/1), Pawlenty (16/1), Palin (22/1) and Donald Trump (25/1).

P – Philbot. A one-armed three-wheeled robot threw out the first pitch at a recent Phillies/Brewers game at Citizens Bank Park. A computer was able to win jeopardy, but this robot failed at throwing out the first pitch. Despite being programmed to basically do one thing, throw a good pitch, the Philbot one-hopped the grass in front of the mound. The Pirates are reportedly interested in acquiring the Philbot to join their starting rotation.

Q- Quail Hollow. Phil Mickelson has committed to play in the Wells Fargo Championship at Quail Hollow Club. Last year Tiger Woods was the obvious favorite at +315 but that obviously is no longer the case. Odds have yet to be released, but Mickelson, the 2010 Quail Hollow runner up behind Rory McIlroy, will likely be the favorite. Last year his odds to win were +1015. He shot a –11 but could never get close to McIlroy (-15).

R – Reckless Driving. They somehow did not have enough evidence to tag former Olympian and WWE wrestler Kurt Angle for a DUI, so authorities settled with citing him for reckless driving. Angle was arrested in North Dakota (no idea what he was doing there) on March 25 after he was found in a wrecked vehicle in the median of Interstate 29.

S- Shoplifting. Cincinnati Reds pitcher Mike Leake makes $425,000 a year and he signed a $1.8 million signing bonus two years ago. He must have misplaced all that money because on Monday he was arrested at a Cincinnati Macy's for shoplifting six t-shirts worth less than $60.

T – Thomas Robinson. Local police have cited Kansas basketball player Thomas Robinson for misdemeanor battery stemming from an altercation outside a Lawrence nightclub called the Cave. Who knew they had nightclubs in Lawrence? Police say Robinson, a sophomore, and a friend were beating up bouncers at 2:05 a.m. Earlier this month Robinson announced he was returning to Kansas for his third season. After the latest incident, we're thinking he may rethink that.

U – UMass. After nearly upsetting Michigan last year in the Big House, the University of Massachusetts football team is making the move to  the division formerly known as Division I-A. The Minutemen will compete in the Mid American Conference beginning in the 2012 season.

V – Versus. In a huge blow to the NHL, the league has announced it is renewing its television rights with NBC and the gopher-hunting channel aka Versus. Once bidding got over $200 million per year, ESPN backed out, meaning the NHL is the only athletic event in the world you cannot watch on ESPN.

W – White and Latino. Pretty soon all of Major League Baseball is going to be made up of white and Latino players. This season only 8.5 percent of MLB players are black, the lowest level since 2007. That is almost as low as the NHL, where somewhere around 0 percent of the players are black.

X- XXXL. Former NBA player Oliver Miller was arrested after allegedly pistol-whipping a man at a barbeque in Maryland. There is plenty of irony in the fact this happened at a barbeque. Miller is best known for being the fattest NBA player of all time and wearing a triple-x jersey. The former Sun, Piston, Maverick, King and Timberwolve (and those are just his NBA teams) was officially listed at 280 pounds when he was drafted, but it was obvious he was probably a few cheeseburgers over 350 pounds during his playing days.

Y – Yankees logo. A 63-year old woman named Tamit Buday is suing the New York Yankees, claiming her uncle created the famous NY, Yankees symbol . The Yankees say the suit has no merit. Buday wants the Yankees to hand over all profits from related merchandise featuring the logo, which is probably somewhere around a trillion dollars. Good luck Tamit.

Z- Zolek, Scott. The lifetime backup quarterback, Scott Zolek, now has a new claim to fame. During a recent radio interview, Zolek’s former teammate Drew Bledsoe claims it was Zolek who invented the classic “Dick in a Box” move later made famous in a Saturday Night Live music video featuring Justin Timberlake.