A – Atlanta Falcons Cheerleaders. There may be no NFL 2011-12 season, but there will be a Atlanta Falcons Cheerleaders 2011-12 bikini calendar. The cheerleaders headed to Bermuda this week for their annual swimsuit calendar photo shoot. And while it might not be football, what’s the difference between the Atlanta cheerleaders and the players? Both have won the same amount of Super Bowls.

B – Bacon Night. What’s the only thing better than Bacon? Kevin Bacon, obviously. The minor league baseball team, the Richmond Flying Squirrels, brought them both together in a recent Tribute to Bacon Night promotion. The bacon-theme night, sponsored by the Virginia Pork Industry, offered fans a chance to win a year-long supply of bacon courtesy and to meet Kevin Bacon, who threw out the first pitch. But this is Class AA baseball, so of course there was a catch. First of all, the year-long supply of bacon also came with imminent heart disease and the Kevin Bacon they brought out was not the guy from “Footloose” but rather some local county police detective who just happened to be named Kevin Bacon.
 
C – Caroline Wozniacki. The smoking hot Danish tennis player has been bounced from the French Open in the third round with a loss to the 28th-ranked player who we are not even going to name. Wozniacki was the No. 1-ranked player in the world and the No. 1 reason men watched the French Open this year.

D – Dyson Vacuum. Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and fiancée Candice Crawford got hitched this weekend. They had a somewhat modest bridal registry at Macy's and Crate & Barrel. The big ticket item was a $550 Dyson vacuum cleaner, that has already been purchased (I'm guessing Jerry Jones got it). The cheapest thing on the registry is a condiment cup at Crate & Barrel that goes for 95 cents (I'm guessing if Tony invited Jessica Simpson, that's what she showed up with). The registry lacked the things Romo obviously needs, like some height, a quicker delivery, a stronger arm and a playoff win.

E – Eating.  American Joey Chestnut is the favorite to win the Nathans Hot Dog Eating Contest this year. He is listed at –350 on BetUS, ahead of Takeru Kobayashi (+150), who was actually arrested last year after storming the stage after being barred from the competition by the MLE (Major League Eating). Expect some real fireworks this year on July 4 with the return of Kobayashi to the biggest spectacle in competitive eating.  

F – Finals. The NBA and NHL have their finals set in a twist, the NBA Finals will get things started first on Tuesday with the NHL Stanley Cup Finals beginning on Wednesday. In the NHL Vancouver (-235) is the favorite to win the series over Boston (+195) on 5Dimes. In the NBA Finals, the one you’re more likely to be watching, Miami is the favorite at -175 against underdog Dallas (+155). Favorites to win NBA Finals MVP are LeBron James (+125), Dirk Nowitzki (+175), Dwayne Wade (+500), Chris Bosh (+1300) and Jason Terry (+1700). In the NHL the odds of a Vancouver sweep are only +725, while the posted odds for a Boston sweep are +2500.    

G – Gus Johnson. Daniel Tosh found a way to get the worst announcer of all time and the best announcer of all time together in the same room. On a recent episode of Tosh.O, legendary freak-out artist Gus Johnson called a pick-up game with Brian "Boom Goes the Dynamite" Collins, the stuttering mess from Ball State University. Hilarity ensued, as can be expected.

H – Handshakes. Every year there is that one player always insists on being ‘that guy’ and not shaking hands after the series. This year it was Oklahoma City point guard Russell Westbrook, who was nowhere to be found during the handshake line. It makes sense, though, because he was nowhere to be found for the fourth quarter for most of the series.

I – Idiots. Pittsburgh Steeler linebacker James Harrison is rewriting the NFL rule book. Every new rule seems to be geared towards No. 92, and this comes after totaling fines of $100,000 during ONE season. Harrison lashed out this week when he tweeted, "I'm absolutely sure now after this last rule change that the people making rules at the NFL are idiots."

J – Jon Hunstman. Some guy named Jon Hunstman is apparently a budding political superstar, as his odds to land the republican nomination for the 2012 US Presidential Election recently shot up to 6/1. On Bodog Hunstman is behind only Tim Pawlenty (3/1) and favorite Mitt Romney (9/4) in terms of having the best odds to claim the nomination.

K – Kris Humphries. NBA free agent forward Kris Humphries really hopes there is an NBA season next year and he really hopes he finds a team by then. The white free agent plunked down $2 million for a 20.5 carat engagement ring for black athlete groupie Kim Kardashian. Humphries made $3.2 million this season, the last year in his contract with the New Jersey Nets. After taxes he probably made about the same as Kardashian's ring is worth. So now the NBA has two Mr. Kardashians, Lamar and Kris.

L – Launching Wieners. High school cheerleading hazing went to a whole new level recently in Everett, Washington. A hazing incident turned into a fetish-freaks wet dream when upperclassmen forced underclassmen cheerleaders to wear diapers while they launched hot dogs at them. Of course, someone had to blow the whistle on this favorite pastime of many and school administration had the nerve to suspend the cheerleaders that were hurling the hot dogs, wieners and sausages. I think they overreacted. I mean, what is the wurst thing that could happen? Launching sausages has never been linked to death.

M – McCourt's. The appropriately named McCourts continue their legal wrangling over the Dodgers, and the public is getting a firsthand look at how Frank and Jamie McCourt are blowing through their money in spite of each other. The former couple was spending $225,000 a month to lease a private jet. Less expensive than that but even more absurd is the $10,000 a month Jamie McCourt spent on her hair stylist. If her hair stylist made $120,000 this past year to mess with Ms. McCourt's weave, why the heck is she still a hair stylist? This is the difference between men and women, while Jamie is throwing her money away at some female barber, Frank was out blowing his money on a $30,000 a month Beverly Hills posh suite, $80,000 on a Caribbean vacation and an undisclosed amount of money to attend this past Super Bowl.

N – Nude sun bather. San Diego Chargers linebacker Shaun Phillips claims he was recently blinded by his 60-year-old neighbor sunbathing in the buff. Here is Phillips' tweet after the unfortunate sighting, "Just got blinded by my 60yr old neighbor sun bathing in the nude. This is not Europe woman.”

O – Oklahoma City Thunder. When the North Korean soccer team returned home after losing in the World Cup, they were greeted with death threats, public humiliation and forced labor. The Oklahoma City Thunder were grateful to experience none of that when they returned home after being eliminated by the Dallas Mavericks. Their fans greeted them at the airport chanting, "Thank you, Thunder."

P – Pippen, Scottie. Scottie Pippen got his name into the papers during the NBA playoffs and he didn’t even have to make another horrific financial investment to get noticed. Pippen drew some headlines this week when he made the ridiculous statement that LeBron James is on his way to being better than Michael Jordan. All you need to know about Pippen lately is the Google suggestions that come up when you type his name, they are in this exact order: Scottie Pippen broke, Scottie Pippen wife, Scottie Pippen stats, Scottie Pippen net worth, Scottie Pippen wiki, Scottie Pippen shoes, Scottie Pippen career, Scottie Pippen bankrupt. People are more interested in how broke he is and his wife than his actual basketball career.

Q – Qatar. The 2022 World Cup hosts have somehow invented fake clouds which can be used to provide shade for stadiums during the World Cup in the summer of 2022 in Qatar where temperatures soar to 120 degrees Fahrenheit. The fake clouds are carbon structures filled with helium gas. And you thought a retractable roof was cool. Each fake cloud costs $500,000 and they are moved into place by four solar powered engines.

R – Randy Macho Man Savage. Arguably the second biggest name in professional wrestling history, Macho Man passed away last week due to an apparent heart attack. Savage was best known for elevating WWF to new heights alongside Hulk Hogan as part of the Mega Powers in the late eighties. He went on to the win the WWF championship twice, the King of the Ring once and the WCW Heavyweight championship four times. He was everything great about wrestling. He will be remembered for his famous diving elbow drop, his entrance song (Pomp and Circumstance) and his manager Miss Elizabeth. The two together formed the greatest wrestler/manager duo of all time and both are now reunited somewhere in wrestling heaven. Macho Man was actually a minor league baseball player, as he was signed by the St. Louis Cardinals organization and remained in baseball for three years and for 289 games before turning to a real sport, like professional wrasslin'.

S – Seattle Storm. Seattle basketball fans may have had to watch in agony as their former team, the Oklahoma City Thunder, put together an incredible playoff run, but at least the WNBA season is almost upon us. And according to the oddsmakers the Seattle Storm are the team to beat. Yes, there are actually odds for women's basketball. The Storm (+250) are the favorites ahead of the Atlanta Dream (+550) and Minnesota Lynx (+650).

T – Tate Forcier. The rollercoaster ride that is the life of Tate Forcier took a near massive pitfall for the worst this week when the ex-Michigan quarterback nearly jumped out of a fourth-story window. The former starting quarterback at Michigan and then backup quarterback and then starter again and then transfer to Miami and then college dropout, was at a woman's apartment when the woman called police because she thought Forcier was going to jump. Something tells me we haven’t heard the last from Forcier and that might not be a good thing.

U – University of Arizona's Mike Bibby. The aging point guard made the defensive play of his career when he tossed a towel from the bench to distract Derrick Rose ,who was shooting a free throw in the final seconds of an 82-81 game (YouTube it) that proved to be the series clincher for the Heat. Rose missed the free throw and Bibby acted like he actually did something important and the Heat somehow went on to the win the game. Bibby now has a chance to win a championship for the first time since his freshmen year when he helped lead the University of Arizona to the 1997 NCAA Championship.

V – Vick, Michael. Proving that animal rights groups have too much money and time on their hands, the group Dogs Deserve Better, bought the former Michael Vick dog fighting compound. The five-bedroom toy store for dog fighting lovers, sold for $600,000. The group plans to turn it into a rehab center for chained and penned dogs. The house has four and a half bathrooms, two fireplaces, cathedral ceilings, a bunch of dead dogs buried in the backyard, walk-in closets, a two-car garage and obviously some kind of dog fighting pit that the new owners could use if they wanted. A filmmaker says he wants to take Vick back to the property for a special documentary aka Must. See. TV.

W – Wilson Valdez. On May 25 Phillies utility player Wilson Valdez took the field in a game against the Reds as a second baseman. By the end of the game it was May 26 and Valdez was now pitching. Valdez picked up the win in a wild 19-inning marathon that ended 5-4 Philadelphia over Cincinnati. Valdez allowed no hits in a scoreless 19th, although he did hit Scott Rolen and he threw a wild pitch. However, he became the first position player to earn a win since 2000. The decision gives him more wins than Chicago White Sox starter John Danks (0-8) and Colorado Rockies starter Ubaldo Jimenez (0-5) and as many as San Francisco Giants starter Madison Bumgarner (1-6) and former Cy Young winner St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Chris Carpenter (1-5).

X – X-Pac. Another note from the world of professional wrestling. This is not as sad as the death of Macho Man, but it is more disturbing. Sean “X-Pac” Waltman recently revealed that former girlfriend Chyna is attempting a comeback to porn. X-Pac and Chyna famously made a sex tape back in the day and now Chyna wants back in the business, although X-Pac vows now to watch this one. He says he is devastated. Anybody who watched the first one, or plans on watching the second one, will also likely be devastated.

Y – Yankees Suck. A Tampa Bay Rays season ticket holder (yes they do exist) was recently booted from a game against the Yankees for wearing a "Yankees Suck" shirt to Tropicana Field. Attorney Melton H. Little plucked down $20,000 for these season tickets. An attorney named Melton with 20 large lying around does not strike me as the type to be removed from anywhere, but it happened on May 16 with his two sons. A patron at Pirate games has been wearing a "Pirates Suck" t-shirt to PNC Park in Pittsburgh for years without incident. So as long as you are saying the home team sucks, you should be okay.

Z – Zvonareva, Vera. The third-seeded woman in the world was the highest-ranked player in the French Open field after only three rounds, but the Russian was knocked out in the fourth round by 19-year old mouthful, Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova. Even though she was the highest-ranked remaining player in a field of fewer than 30 players, Zvonareva was not the oddsmakers favorite when she was upset by Pavlyuchenkova. She was listed at 8/1 on Bodog through three rounds, behind Victoria Azarenka (3/1), Maria Sharapova (7/2) and Petra Kvitova (5/1).