A – Andrews, Erin. Michelle Beadle is one of us. That much was clear with her latest revelation that she watched Erin Andrews naked behind (and front) for the better part of three minutes, in the famous peephole video. "Who didn’t watch that video?" Beadle asked. Amen. Beadle, a guy in a girls well-put-together body with blonde hair and a sick job at ESPN, went on to say, "she looked fabulous." Amen. Beadle went on to toss a few darts at Andrews, talking about how she vaulted into stardom after the peepshow video to appear on “Oprah” and “Dancing with the Stars” etc…, "Funny how that all worked out," Beadle said.

B – Bull Riding. Chad Ochocinco gave bull riding a try for one night. After posting on Twitter about riding a bull, Ochocinco was challenged by PBR commissioner (what a job that would be) to ride the bull, Deja Blu, for eight seconds. If he lasted, he would get a new truck and naming rights to the bull. Ochocinco, who was wearing a hockey helmet during his attempt, was thrown off almost instantly, lasting an entire 1.5 seconds. I'm sure it was Carson Palmer's fault.

C – Canadian Pierced Tits. If you thought the Green Men from Vancouver were cool, you gotta check out the chick who was sitting next to the penalty box for Game 2 of the Western Conference Finals. A blonde twenty-something female Vancouver fan wearing a Henrik Sedin jersey went up to the penalty box that housed San Jose Sharks goon Ben Eager. She lifted up her Sedin jersey, exposing her boobs which appeared to be pierced and pressed those boobs against the glass for Eager and all of the Canadian viewing audience to see. This was caught on the Canadian feed (CBC) but not the US feed on Versus. So hockey coverage really is that much better in Canada.

D – David Kahn. Any NBA Draft Lottery conspiracy theories you're selling, Minnesota T’wolves GM David Kahn is buying. The latest person to question just how legit the Draft Lottery was Kahn after Minnesota missed out on the top pick to the Cleveland Cavaliers, whose representative was team owner Dan Gilbert's 14-year old son who was born with a nerve disorder. Kahn lashed out afterwards saying, "The league has a habit…of producing some pretty incredible story lines. Last year it was Abe Pollin's window and this year it was a 14-year old-boy and the only thing we have in common is we have both been bar mitzvahed." Not sure exactly what that means, but I do know the fine range will be somewhere in the $50,000 ballpark for Kahn's remarks.

E – espnW. There used to be speculation that by 2015 there would be eight ESPN channels. That may still happen, but now as of 2011 and thanks to the introduction of espnW, there are 800 ESPN Web sites. The Web site, dedicated to covering female sports and male sports, but with a female angle (whatever the hell that means), is probably the worst idea since someone came up with the idea of letting women play sports. The site claims to be the first business dedicated to serving female athletes and fans. Gee, I wonder why no one thought of this awesome plan before. "We'll shine a brighter spotlight on women's sports." What a freaking terrible idea. ESPN has hired a boatload of female writers to work for this soon-to-be-canceled venture and the only decent looking ones are former ESPN1000 Chicago reporter Sarah Spain, former Nickelodeon game show host Summer Sanders and Gretchen Bleiler, a hippy blonde snowboarder who won some X games medals and dropped her top for a couple photo shoots.

F – Forbes 100. Lady Gaga tops the list, pushing Oprah to second while Bieber fever clocks in at third in the Forbes countdown of the most powerful people in the entertainment business. The highest-ranking athlete was somehow Tiger Woods at No. 6, even though he is the No. 11 ranked golfer in the world. Other athletes cracking the top 25 include LeBron James (No. 10), Kobe Bryant (No. 14) and Roger Federer (No. 25).

G – Giambi, Jason. Forty-year-old slugger Jason Giambi has rediscovered his stroke and probably rediscovered his medicine cabinet as well. The Colorado slugger, who had only three hits all season, had three home runs in his first three at bats Thursday night. That's not suspicious or anything. Giambi’s first bomb was a second deck three-run drive off Kyle Kendrick in the first inning. In the third he tagged Kendrick again with a laser and then in the fifth he victimized reliever Danys Baez. Even when he was playing for Oakland and New York and juicing every day, Giambi has never had a three home run game.
 
H – “Hard Knocks”. The HBO behind the scenes reality show is all of a sudden a hard sell. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who were viewed as the front runners to be documented this offseason, declined, and a few days later the Denver Broncos said “no” as well. Now the Detroit Lions have come out, without even being asked, and said they would not appear on Hard Knocks. HBO seems to be running out of options and do not be surprised to see HBO airing "Hard Knocks: Philadelphia Soul."

I – Irving, Kyrie. The Cleveland Cavaliers won the NBA lottery this year for the first time since they drafted you know who. Duke point guard Kyrie Irving is the obvious first overall choice, which means sometime around 2017 we can expect Irving to be taking his talents the f out of Cleveland.

J – Jay Cutler. A political economic forum in Chicago this week turned into a Jay Cutler roast as Wisconsin representative Paul Ryan hurled a couple classic one-liners at the beleaguered gimping mental midget Bears quarterback. Ryan opened his speech admitting he was a Packers fan. He went on to say this, "I stand ready to do whatever it takes to help you re-sign Jay Cutler. I'm here to talk about the economy today, about the need to get four quarters of strong consistent performance. That wasn’t another Jay Cutler joke, I swear. It could be, but it’s not."

K – Killebrew, Harmon. Former Minnesota Twins slugger Harmon Killebrew passed away this week at the age of 74. It was interesting to see that the man had nicknames like "Killer" and "Hammerin' Harmon." That part I do not get. Why give a nickname to the man with the best last name in all of sports, Killebrew? Until Benny Chugabeer comes along, Mr. Killebrew is tops in my all-name Hall of Fame.

L – Lance Armstrong. So apparently Lance "Livestrong" Armstrong is like every other cyclist in the world (except the part about having only one ball). Armstrong was recently accused by former teammate Tyler Hamilton of using performance-enhancing substances (like everyone else) to cheat in races, including the Tour de France (who knew there were even other races?). Hamilton spilled the beans in a "60 Minutes" interview that he saw the drugs in Lance's fridge and watched him inject himself with the juice more than once.

M – Matthew Barnaby. ESPN NHL analyst and Michelle Beadle boyfriend, Matthew Barnaby, had himself one heck of a Friday night. The night had to have begun with some kind of alcohol, carried on to Barnaby kicking down the front door of his estranged wife's house and continued with Barnaby tossing racial slurs at anyone who wanted to listen and ended with Barnaby behind bars. The racial slurs were likely directed at his estranged wife's new boyfriend. He called 20-30 times, constantly threatening the boyfriend and telling his wife he wished she would die. The good news out of this is that it means Ms. Beadle may be back on the market.

N – Nobel Prize. For those bettors out there with a more sophisticated taste than betting on who will win “Dancing with the Stars” or whether or not Pippa Middleton will pose nude, you can wager on Nobel prizes. The best thing about these odds, posted on BetUS, is that nobody nominated probably even knows what online gambling is. The favorites for the literature prize are some guys named Cormac McCarthy (+400) and Ngugi wa Thiongo (+450). My money is Cormac just because I think that second name is made up. For the Nobel Peace Prize, Aung San Suu Kyi is a favorite at +150 right ahead of Morgan Tsvangirai (+300). The only names most people reading this would recognize are Bill Clinton at +1500 and Bono at +4500.

O – Oprah. Once Oprah was done delaying the Eastern Conference finals with her series finale at the United Center in Chicago, online sportsbook Bodog posted odds on what the next move will be for the female, Big O. The odds-on favorite is for Oprah to appear in a movie (-150). There are also odds on her adopting a child (+500), running for political office (+500), dancing with the stars (+700) and getting married to Stedman Graham (+1000).

P – Pathetic Pirates. When you have stumbled your way through 19 consecutive embarrassment-filled seasons of losing baseball, these kinds of things happen in your own backyard. There is a Pittsburgh-area bar called "The Stroll Inn" and they came up with the greatest idea since beer, when the Pirates lose (which they do often) a pitcher of beer at the bar will be discounted by a nickel. At that rate the bar will be paying you money to drink there by August. Of course, the Pirates shortcomings do not stop at hitting or pitching, they are also evident in the PR department. Instead of stealing the idea, and lowering draft beer prices at the ballpark every time Joe Beimel lets up a home run, the Pirates went crying. A few Pirate employees (I'm guessing Ryan Doumit and Paul Maholm), fired off some emails telling people to boycott the Stroll Inn and then, of course, the king clown himself, Pirates President Frank Coonelly, got involved and actually contacted the owner of the bar to "scold" him. Because we all know when you run the worst franchise in North American sports, there is nothing your team president needs to be more concerned with than bar specials at some dive bar nobody ever heard of…until now.

Q – Quentin Richardson. If you were sitting there watching the No. 8 seed Memphis Grizzlies make an improbable run to Game 7 of the Western Conference semifinals, you had to be thinking, how the heck did Zach Randolph end up in Memphis. Well, the Los Angeles Clippers thought it would be a good idea to trade Randolph, a franchise player for the Grizzlies now, for Quentin Richardson in 2009. Richardson has now been on six different NBA teams and is best known for his cameo appearance in the 2002 blockbuster "Van Wilder." Why do these types of trades only happen to the Clippers and Pirates?

R – Raiders. If you thought it was bad playing for the Raiders, imagine working for them. This week the Oakland Raiders organization put every member of its staff to work selling tickets. The Raiders will allow all employees to keep their jobs if they sell season tickets worth 10-percent of their salary during the lockout. Raiders’ season tickets cost anywhere from $260 to $960 annually. The major selling points the employees can use to their advantage is that JaMarcus Russell is no longer their quarterback and Tom Cable is no longer their coach.

S – S. There is a theory out there that the more teams in your league that have a name that does not end with an S, the more likely the league is to fail. For example, the NFL has ZERO teams who do not end with the letter S. The less successful NHL has the Lightning, Avalanche and Wild. The even lesser successful MLS has the United, Revolution, Crew, Dynamo, Galaxy, Union and a bunch of teams that end with FC. Let’s hope the theory fails when it comes to the Lingerie Football League. Every team in the league does not end with an S and every team name can also double as a porno movie title. Some of the better ones are the Orlando Fantasy, Tampa Breeze, Chicago Bliss, Las Vegas Sin, Los Angeles Temptation, Minnesota Valkyrie, Seattle Mist, San Diego Seduction, Miami Caliente and my favorite, Toronto Triumph.
 
T – Trader Jose. No, not Trader Joe's, the hipster grocery store, but rather Trader Jose, as in Jose Bautista. He has developed into the best hitter in all of baseball. He led the league last year with 54 home runs. He is currently leading the league again this year, he has a three-home run game and is a bona fide Triple Crown contender. So how did Bautista get to Toronto? He did so in the worst baseball trade this decade. The Pirates were involved in the trade and, of course, they were on the losing end. They gave up Bautista for a player to be named later. That player ended up being Robinson Diaz, who would play 31 games before being released. What a deal. Why do these types of trades only happen to the Pirates and Clippers?

U – Utah Jazz. There are a million NBA mock drafts out there and the only consensus seems to be that Kyrie Irving will end up Cleveland while BYU's Jimmer Fredette will end up, where else, with the Utah Jazz. It is a match made in Mormon heaven, if they believe in heaven.

V – Vin Mazzaro. In a sight not often seen (unless you’re a Pirates fan), Kansas City Royals reliever Vin Mazzaro was tagged for 14 earned runs in one game. Mazzaro somehow recorded seven outs, but he gave up twice as many earned runs in a 19-1 loss to the Indians. No pitcher has ever allowed so many runs in such a short amount of time. Mazzaro's ERA is 22.74. He was instantly sent down to the minors after his historic performance. The amazing thing is that Mazzaro did not even get the loss in the game, that honor went to starter Kyle Davies (1-6) who never saw the second inning.

W – Winnipeg. Only in the NHL can a team leave Atlanta for Winnipeg. The Atlanta Thrashers are relocating north of the border to give Winnipeg an NHL franchise since their previous team Jetted over to Phoenix in 1996. Atlanta, home of the world's busiest airport, loses a professional team to Winnipeg, a city that probably doesn’t even have an airport. But then again hockey in Atlanta made about as much sense as basketball in Salt Lake City. Oh, wait.

X – XXX. The bad thing about having your wedding viewed by 3 billion people is that everyone knows your spoken for and people stop caring about you. That is currently what is happening to Kate Middleton. The opposite is happening to Kate's 27-year old younger sister, Pippa "Short Stockings" Middleton. The latest overture for her affection came from Vivid Entertainment, who offered her a spot in a sex scene for a tidy sum of $5 million. The offer comes after photos of Prince William's sister-in-law shitfaced drunk in her bra surfaced in magazines. Don't get too excited Pippa fans, the odds of her accepting this invitation according to Bodog are 100 to 1.

Y – Youngstown State. The Big Ten Network has released its 2011 primetime TV schedule, and even though the first game is a dud, who cares, it means college football (which is not in a lockout, not now or ever) is getting closer. The Big Ten Network season kicks off Friday night Sept. 2 when the Youngstown State Penguins visit Michigan State for a primetime tilt at 7:30 p.m. Eastern Time. Surprisingly, this is only the 10th night game in the 88-year history of Spartan Stadium, and, not so surprisingly, this is the first time the Penguins and Spartans will tango.

Z – cZech Republic. The NBA Draft is approaching and that means it is time to get acquainted with a bunch of foreign goofs who NBA general managers hope is the next Dirk Nowitzki, but will likely find out he is the just the next Nickoloz Tskitishvili or Darko Milicic. This year's bust waiting to happen appears to be either Jan (like the ladies name) Vesely out of the Czech Republic or Jonas Valanciunas out of Lithuania. Other guys from god knows where with crazy names are Bismack Biyombo out of Congo and Nikola Mirotic out of Montenegro. Something tells me at least two of those players end up on Toronto and we end up never hearing of them again.