Remember Beckett's Baseball Card Price Guide? I say remember like they don't exist anymore. They do, but I haven't seen a new one since I was about 14 and realized it was more fun to go up a girl's shirt than to sit on my bed checking out of Mariano Duncan's rookie card was worth more than 25 cents.

Anyways, what I remember most from those Beckett's was the Hot/Cold Lists. They ranked the cards by whose value was rising or falling each month. It was classic, and there was always that one guy who made both lists. Like, Will Clark would be No. 4 on the Hot List and No. 9 on the Cold List.

Well, it's been a while but I've come back with another Hot/Cold List. I'm still going to try to work this into my regular rotation for your reading pleasure. Only this time I'll really try! So without further ado, here's Doc's Sports' Hot/Cold List:

THE COLD LIST:

10) Torii Hunter - After dropping some Dom on the Royals for last year's season-ending sweep of the Tigers, Hunter faces a possible three-year ban for violating a little-known MLB rule. It's not going to happen, but if it did how much do you think Hunter would drink during that three years?

9) Legendary Authors - Less than two weeks after the death of one of my all-time favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut, the literary world lost another pillar when David Halberstam died on Monday. So it goes.

8) The Next MJs - Both D-Wade and Kobe are both facing 0-2 holes and both being criticized either by their coaches, by the media, by the fans or by all three. Tough times for two ring bearers.

7) Chicago Cubs - Wait, so this isn't The Year?

6) Mother Russia - Boris Yeltsin passes, the relationship between Russia and the European Union is at its "lowest point since the Cold War," and now they found out that we're setting up defensive missile installations and pointing them at the Ruskies. A tough week any way you slice it.

5) Text messaging - The NCAA is pushing to impose a ban on college coaches text messaging potential recruits in high school. Joe Pa has no idea what they hell they're talking about but John Calipari was like, WTF? OMG NALOPKT I'm a RG texter.

4) Alex Rodriguez - The jinx (or curse, perhaps?) continues. This guy will never win a ring. Ever.

3) NBA Agents - A slew of college hoops underclassmen have declared themselves eligible for the upcoming NBA draft. But a lot of high-profile guys, most notably Jeff Green, Roy Hibbert, Brandan Wright, and Mike Conley Jr. - haven't signed with agents. Yet.

2) Alberto Gonzalez - Yup, another one of the Bush Administration's best and brightest. They're a bunch of liars and thieves, and have corrupted even the branches of government meant to uphold Justice. Good work guys.

1) New York Yankees - After getting swept by the Red Sox and Devil Rays, the Yanks are in trouble. I know it's only April but it's tough not to think that a team with no arms (and the ones they got are getting run down) is going to get better or hold up over the next five months.

THE HOT LIST:

10) Jeff Gordon - Gordo tied Dale Earnhardt Sr. on the all-time wins list by taking the checkered in Phoenix last weekend. Of course, he may get tied to his bumper and have his car set on fire by angry fans this weekend in Talladega because he's trying to honor The Intimidator by fling a No. 3 flag, but we'll worry about that later.

9) Phoenix Suns - While top-seeded Dallas stumbles, the Suns have been dominating while staking a 2-0 lead over the hapless Lakers. Leandro Barbosa won the Sixth Man Award and we even got a dose of Jalen Rose. All around a solid performance by the Suns.

8) Rafael Nadal - Nadal beat top-ranked Roger Federer for the fifth straight time on clay in Monte Carlo over the weekend, positioning himself as the man to beat at next month's French Open. He didn't tell Federer that he sucked after the match, but he should've.

7) Cleveland - The Cavs are in the catbird seat right now in the East, facing a depleted Wizards team in Round 1 and avoiding the Bulls or Pistons until the conference finals. The Indians are playing better as well, winning four of their last five and seizing first place. Too bad the Browns are going to screw everything up this Saturday in the NFL Draft.

6) Dow Jones Industrial Average - The Dow is breaking new ground as it flirts with the unprecedented mark of 13,000. Don't ask me what 13,000 means, but I know a new all-time record for the blue-chip stocks was set last week. Now we just need the housing market to start climbing again.

5) New York Rangers - They're 17-3-4 in their last 24 games and Barry Melrose picked them to come out of the East. That makes them the hottest team on ice.

4) Low-budget baseball teams - The Orioles, Brewers and A's are all either in first or second place in each of their respective divisions. And I refuse to call them "small market teams" because you know the owners could spend the money if they wanted to.

3) Don Nelson - What could possibly be better than sticking it to your old boss? I can't think of anything. The Warriors have won five straight against the Mavericks and have people in the Basketball World conjuring up images of a screaming Dikembe Mutumbo.

2) Alex Rodriguez - Look, the guy is a loser but he's also tearing things up. He's going to set an MLB record for most homers in April and that ain't no joke. He's also positioning himself for another monster payday as he exits stage left at the end of this year. And don't forget about that baby soft skin.

1) Nick Saban - It's like overnight everyone forgot what a traitorous a-hole this guy is. Over 92,000 undereducated and psychotic Alabamans showed up to watch the Crimson Tide's spring scrimmage, beating the old attendance record by over 40K. If this guy wins an SEC title he may be governor by this time next year.

Questions or comments for Robert? E-mail him at robert@docsports.com or check out his Insider Page here.